The Omnivore's Hundred

Below is a list of 100 things Very Good Taste thinks every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Very Good Taste is a blog written by an English couple, Jill and Andrew. So they've encourage food bloggers to post the list to their blogs, bold all the items we've eaten, and cross out those that we'd never consider eating. (This list has been copied several times and has also been referred to online as 100 Things You Should Eat Before You Die.)

So here is my Omnivore's Hundred (aka 100 Things You Should Eat Before You Die):

1. Venison - Um, yeah... a lot. My husband's an avid hunter and I've harvested a doe before myself, so we eat a lot of venison.


2. Nettle tea - Nettle tea is supposed to have all kinds of health benefits. It fights skin problems, intestinal disorders, arthritis, urinary tract infections. Shrug.

3. Huevos rancheros - Yup. Best huevos rancheros I've ever had was when I was visiting my cousins in San Francisco and we went to a total hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint in the middle of nowhere.

4. Steak tartare - I've had it in two or three different places. I've had it chopped (yuck) and I've had it prepared by being very thinly sliced and served cold (not yuck).

5. Crocodile - But I've had fried alligator chunks. Guess that doesn't count.

6. Black pudding - I don't know if I have the guts to try this. It's blood pudding (a type of sausage). Okay, I promise to at least try to try it when I visit my cousins in Scotland. I'll report back then.

7. Cheese fondue - OMG, yes, yes, yes! I LOVE cheese fondue. I love cheese. I especially love stinky cheese. But cheese of any type is wonderful and even better when all melty and hot.

8. Carp - I've seen a lot of carp, I've caught some carp - but I threw them back. I don't know that I've ever eaten carp.

9. Borscht - I had a small bowl of borscht when Zhivago's Russian Restaurant was open in Ballwin. It's a soup made mostly of beets and potatoes. I basically ordered it to try something new - and I don't honestly remember if I cared for it or not since this was well over ten years ago. Must not have made much of an impression.

10. Baba ghanoush - Haven't tried baba ghanoush yet, but this is definately on the list of things to try.

11. Calamari - I have had great calamari and I have had bad calamari... and I have had really bad calamari (i.e. battered rubber bands). If I can see the ocean it came out of I'll try it - and it's usually pretty good then.

12. Pho - Not yet, but sooner or later I'll try pho.

13. PB&J sandwich - I've had no less than three hundred bajillion PB&J's. I've had double-deckers PB&J's, I've had it between crackers, between muffins, between pancakes - everything I could think of. But the very best PB&J I've ever had was at Garden Cafe Ala Fleur - it's a double-decker PB&J made with strawberry jam on cinnamon bread and then grilled.

14. Aloo gobi - Not yet, but it'll happen. It sounds yummy.

15. Hot dog from a street cart - I know the mere idea sounds gross to many of you, but after a nice long evening on Bourbon Street, nothing quite hits the spot like a Lucky Dog. I've also had them in NYC and Chicago.

16. Epoisses - Not yet, but you know it's just a matter of time. It's a stinky cheese, an especially stinky cheese, so you know I'll love it.

17. Black truffle - I've had black truffle oil, but I'm not counting that and I've also had dishes with little black flecks of black truffle in them, but I'm not counting that either. Because I really want to have shaved black truffle.  Specifically, I want to have White Truffle Oil-Infused Custard in Black Truffle Ragout and Chive Potato Chip at The French Laundry (scroll down to 8th pic).

18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes - I've had strawberry wine and it was very sweet. VERY sweet. I don't like sweet wine.

19. Steamed pork buns - Basically these are barbecued shredded pork inside of a steamed bun. In other words, delicious and full of fat and calories. Right up my alley.

20. Pistachio ice cream - My mom loves pistachio ice cream, so I've had it several times. It's no dark chocolate, that's all I'll say.

21. Heirloom tomatoes - Since I grew up on a farm, I've had plenty of heirloom tomatoes, and mostly against my will. I hated tomatoes when I was growing up but my parents made me "at least take a taste" of everything. Including slimy okra and nasty brussel sprouts. I now love them all. Go figure.

22. Fresh wild berries - Yep, see above. Farmgirl.

23. Foie gras - I know it's politically incorrect, but I have had it. It was before I knew that they were force-fed, so I haven't had it since then. I have had regular duck and goose liver pâté many times since then (which is the same thing, just not made from force feeding (gavage). Honestly, it's freaking delicous. But pâté is pretty darn good too.

24. Rice and beans - I have a Southern heritage and a love of all things cajun. So I've certainly had my fair share of red beans and rice. Bring it on.

25. Brawn, or head cheese - Yuck. Gross. Disgusting. Yes - I have tasted head cheese. On a dare. My high school boyfriend worked behind the meat counter at our local little grocery store. He dared me to taste it - couldn't back down on a dare. So I told him if he did it, I'd do it. Yuck. Gross. Disgusting. Thanks Steve Jenkins.

26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper - Raw?!? Oh heck no. One of the hottest peppers in the world. No freaking way. A jalapeño pepper has about a 3,500 rating on the Scoville scale; Scotch Bonnet peppers have a rating of 100,000 to 350,000. Forget it.

27. Dulce de leche - Love it. It's similar to caramel but made with sweetened condensed milk instead of sugar. It's mucho better than caramel.

28. Oysters - Nothing like a fried oyster po' boy at Acme Oyster House. I've also had raw oyster shooters. Not as good.

29. Baklava - I know a lot of folks just love baklava, but I could take it or leave it.

30. Bagna cauda - This souns amazingly delicious so I'm going to HAVE to try it.

31. Wasabi peas - I love wasabi peas, I could eat them like M&Ms.

32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - Of course.

33. Salted lassi - I don't know. Maybe some day if I'm in North India. Or an Indian restaurant. I guess.

34. Sauerkraut - See heirloom tomatoes, my parents made me taste everything. I never did develop a taste for this nasty stuff.

35. Root beer float - Just writing this makes me want one. Especially from A&W. Mmmm, I remember going to A&W as a kid when they were still a drive-in and getting the little tiny kid size glass of rootbeer and every now and again getting a rootbeer float.

36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Not really. I've had cognac and I've had a fat cigar. But not together...

37. Clotted cream tea - Maybe this will be another new experience in Scotland.

38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O - Are you kidding me? Seriously. Yes. And I have no further comment.

39. Gumbo - Again, back to the beans and rice, the gumbo, etc. Love. It.

40. Oxtail - Mom makes oxtail stew. It doesn't suck.

41. Curried goat - Not yet... but I do love curry.

42. Whole insects - I'm willing to try, if only for the novelty, to eat a whole insect. But it's going to have to be roasted or fried or something.

43. Phaal - No way. It's hotter than Scotch Bonnet peppers. For-freakin-get it.

44. Goat’s milk - I've had plenty of cheeses made from goats milk, but not goats milk itself.

45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more - Yes, but I didn't pay for it. Mom and I were staying at The Brown Hotel in Louisville and talking to the bartender there about having toured the area bourbon distilleries and I said I still wasn't that crazy about bourbon. He took that as a challenge. So he offered us several samples of ridiculously expensive bourbons. I get it now.

46. Fugu - Probably not. I don't think I'm willing to die for good fish. Seriuosly. There's an old Japanese expression that goes "I want to eat fugu, but I don't want to die". If they're not gonna, I'm not gonna.

47. Chicken tikka masala- Sounds good. I'd try it.

48. Eel - I've had it in sushi. Like baklava, I could take it or leave it.

49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - Way too many times. When Jeremy and I were planning our honeymoon, we had to plan our drive to incorporate the nearest Krispy Kreme so I could get a dozen original glazed doughnuts. I'd dieted for a year and hadn't had one that whole time. I bought three dozen. They were gone long before the honeymoon ended. Luckily there was another Krispy Kreme just 7 or 8 miles from our cabin. I bought more.

50. Sea urchin - I'm willing...

51. Prickly pear - I don't know much about the prickly pear, but I don't really see the point, so probably not. But you never know.

52. Umeboshi - I guess if I ever go to Japan I'll try it. Instead of the fugu.

53. Abalone - We'll see... these are endangered, but are commercially farmed in California. So I guess I'd try it if it were from a sustainable source. It's a mollusk - you've all seen abolone shell jewelry...

54. Paneer - Not yet, but it's a cheese, and you know how I feel about cheeses.

55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - Duh.

56. Spaetzle - Had it, made it, loved it. Just wish I could get them to look like teardrops when I make them. They're so much cuter that way.

57. Dirty gin martini - Again, duh. Except I like a vodka martini much better.

58. Beer above 8% ABV - 'Nuf said.

59. Poutine - Sounds good to me. It's french fries topped with fresh cheese curdds covered with brown gravy. It's a Canadian thing. I'll have it sooner or later.

60. Carob chips - Yeah, not a fan. Why sub for chocolate when you can have chocolate.

61. S’mores - I loved s'mores as a kid. Still like them, but I'd rather have a martini.

62. Sweetbreads - I just tried these for the first time, as a matter of fact, just a month or so ago. Mom ordered them at The Clarksville Station Restaurant at Overlook Farm. Sweetbreads are the thyus glands of lamb, beef or pork, soaked in salt water then poached in milk. Sounds gross - but they were yummy.

63. Kaolin - It's clay. Edible clay. That people with eating disorders, poor people with mineral deficiencies, and pregnant women with weird cravings eat. I don't fit into any of those categories.

64. Currywurst - I'd totally try this. It's hot pork sausage seasoned with curry sauce. Sounds good to me - it's a German diner food or street food. Guess I need to go to Germany now.

65. Durian - I'm not sure. It's an Asian fruit with a custard like flesh inside. But the odor is supposed to overwhelming and totally disgusting. It's been banned from some hotels and public transportation in southeast Asia.

66. Frogs’ legs - I've had them in French restaurants and I've had them fried after Dad caught 'em. Fried is better.

67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake - I've had them all. Beignets at Cafe Du Monde is the way to go though.

68. Haggis - I think not. It's sheeps 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs) minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt - then you boil it in the sheep's stomach for three hours. I'll pass.

69. Fried plantain - Maybe I just haven't had the good ones yet, but they taste kind of plain to me...

70. Chitterlings, or andouillette - I haven't yet had chitterlings, but I'd be willing to take a taste at least. Chitterlings are pig intestines that have been chiopped up and stewed, then battered and fried.

71. Gazpacho - I love gazpacho, I especially love Chef Thomas Keller's gazpacho - it's one of the first recipes of his that I ever made after I read about it in Carol Blymire's blog. It's in his French Laundry cookbook.

72. Caviar and blini - I've had caviar, but not with blini, so I'll have to try it...

73. Louche absinthe - Honestly, I'm really curious about louche absinthe (click the link and scroll down to the "Preparation" section) so I want to try it...

74. Gjetost, or brunost - Again. Cheese.

75. Roadkill - Negatory.

76. Baijiu - Well, it's a Chinese alcoholic beverage, so I'd be happy to try it.

77. Hostess Fruit Pie - Duh.

78. Snail - I love escargot, especially in garlic butter. So yep - love it.

79. Lapsang souchong - Maybe, but I'm not rushing to try it. It's a Chinese tea that tastes like smoke. Why?

80. Bellini - Of course. Peach purée and champagne - what's not to love?

81. Tom yum - It's a Thai soup. I haven't had it yet, but it sounds good.

82. Eggs Benedict - I love eggs benedict. So I've had lotses and lotses of eggs benedict.

83. Pocky - It's a biscuit (cookie) coated with chocolate? Okay, count me in.

84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant - Have I mentioned that I love Chef Keller? And French Laundry? And that I want to go there really really really bad?

85. Kobe beef - Kobe beef is beef raised according to strict Japanese tradition. It's delicious. Even raw.

86. Hare - Yes, I've had hare and loved it. Jeremy ordered it on our anniversary at Eleven Eleven Mississippi and it was amazing. I'd be happy to have it again.

87. Goulash - Not yet, doesn't sound bad, doesn't sound good... Okay - I stand corrected. Mom says I've had it!

88. Flowers - I've had edible flowers that were used as garnish. Eh.

89. Horse - No. Not gonna do it.

90. Criollo chocolate - Well it's chocolate, of course I'd be willing to try it.

91. Spam - Nasty. Gross. Disgusting. Once and only once.

92. Soft shell crab - I enjoy seafood of all kinds. I love shellfish. Soft shell crab is delicious. Maybe kind of weird, but good.

93. Rose harissa - I've heard a lot about rose harissa, it's something I'd really like to try.

94. Catfish - Are you kidding me? I grew up on the Mississippi. Seriously, I had catfish for dinner last night and the night before that. Jeremy can't bring home enough!

95. Mole poblano - Since it includes chocolate you'd think I'd like it more, but it's just okay by me.

96. Bagel and lox - Like I had a choice. I married a Jew.

97. Lobster Thermidor - Not yet, but I totally want to!

98. Polenta - I love corn in any way, so ground and made into a grainy mush and then fried. Yep, gimme.

99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee - I LOVE COFFEE. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee is one of the most expensive and sought-after coffees in the world. One day I will have it.

100. Snake - Probably tastes like chicken.

So there you have it. I've had 54 out of 100 and refuse only seven of them. So what have you had/not had/want to try/refuse to try???

sautéed shrimp with garlic

As many of you already know, I just returned from a week-long vacation in Hawaii to see one of my cousins get married on the beach. The wedding was beautiful and touching, the scenery was gorgeous and the company way fabulous... but the best part of visiting Hawaii was the food! I love fresh seafood. I think I may have eaten my weight in sashimi alone.

On the road between our resort (Turtle Bay Resort) and the estate my cousins rented was a large shrimp farm. And there were several roadside stands selling fresh cooked shrimp. As we drove by every day you could smell the butter and garlic and it was intoxicating. So I also had my fair share of roadside stand shrimp. Specifically butter and garlic shrimp at Fumi's. It was so fresh that I think the shrimp you’d watched them gather as you drove by was the same shrimp was being walked in the backdoor to be cooked as you ordered.

So I didn’t get my fill of butter and garlic shrimp. I was still craving it when I got home. So as soon as I was rested I knew my next Ad Hoc recipe was going to have to be the Sautéed Shrimp with Garlic. Butter, wine, garlic and shrimp – what could be better? Not much.

Chef Keller’s recipe calls for U-12 jumbo shrimp (this means that there are under 12 shrimp to a pound), but I could only get my hands on 15/18 count shrimp. But that’s pretty close and I didn’t really think it’d make much difference. So I bought 15 shrimp for about $12 and hoped that this would be as good as what I’d had on North Shore.

But the first thing I had to do was peel and devein the shrimp. I’ve peeled a lot of shrimp in my day – but I’d never actually deveined them before. I could have asked them to peel and devein them for me at the seafood counter, but new experiences are good. Plus, Chef Keller says to do it yourself, so I did. Turns out – it’s easy. Not so pleasant, but easy. So once I’d peeled and deveined the shrimp, they needed to sit in a cold brine solution (4 cups water to 6 T kosher salt) for about ten minutes.

I think that was probably the most time consuming and difficult part of the whole dish.

I melted some butter in a large skillet. By the way, and totally off the subject, but I love this big huge cast iron skillet. If you don’t have one, I highly recommend getting one – you can use it for so many things and it heats so evenly. It's a Lodge Logic 12-Inch Pre-Seasoned Skillet.  I was too lazy to use cast iron for a long time because I thought it was too high maintenance since I couldn’t just throw it in the dishwasher. Wrong. Anyway – back to the shrimp. Just as the butter starts to foam, add the shrimp and garlic.

Swirl the pan around a little and cook the shrimp for about 90 seconds on each side.

How easy was that?!? Then you add some dry white wine and chives to the pan to make a sauce to pour over the shrimp.

Two of my shrimp wouldn’t stand up on the plate all nice and pretty like they did in Ad Hoc picture – so Jeremy ate them while I was still plating.

His exact words: “Oh my God this is amazing.” And it was. This was so incredibly delicious and easy – I’m making this one over and over and over and over. Decadent and easy and delicious.

Was it as good as what I had at Fumi’s Shrimp stand? Well, yes and no. The shrimp itself wasn’t quite as good – it wasn’t as fresh or as big, and of course that does make a difference. But the flavor was totally there. So the next time I get my hands on some really fresh shrimp, I know what I’m doing with it. Like I said, I’ll be making this over and over. Jeremy said this one is his favorite so far – even better than the ribs.

Stupid freaking mayonnaise... and how I cheered myself up.

So several buttheads called me a weenie for not posting the pics of my mayonnaise-making-hell. Fine, buttheads, I'll post the pics. I'm sitting on my lanai in Hawaii drinking a cup of coffee as I write this. Here's my view. That's what you get for calling me a weenie.

So here's a repost of the basic description of the whole freaking mess, with a pics, and a little more bonus honesty (in other words how I cheered myself up). Thanks to Michelle's 30th birthday. Yes, that involved alcohol.

So as you know, I decided to make the mayo a few days ahead of time. So I had time to muck it up. We begin with my mise en place - so far so good...

I got out my cheapo food processor, turned it on and put four egg yolks in. And there they sat - at the bottom of the food processor with the metal blades whirring away happily above them. Uh, this isn't going to work. But hey! I have a mini-food chopper that will do the same thing! The day is saved!

Alas, not so much. I got it out and put the yolks in and they were happily mixing away when I realized that you can't add a slow stream of oil to a food chopper - there's no way to add anything because it has to have the lid on for the mechanism to be engaged and whir away. That's okay, I grew up on a farm - I'm used to improvising!

So I took the locking lid mechanism off, jammed a knife into the mechanism to make it think the lid was locked on, pushed the button and voila - it was working. But wait - I need to pour in a slow stream of oil now... but I have one hand holding the power button and one hand holding the knife into the mechanism... no more hands left. Okay, I can be MacGuyer/MacGrubber - I can do this. So now I'm holding the knife against the mechanism by leaning against it with my stomach, holding the power button with my left hand and pouring an excruciatingly slow stream of oil into the yolks... and... it's working! Yes, yes, yes! Sorry - no pictures of this because I was already using both hands and my stomach and since both feet were on the ground, there were no appendages left for taking pictures...

The oil is emulsifying with the yolks, it's turning into a thick and creamy substance. I'm so proud of myself. I rock. I knew I could do this. I paused to take a pic because clearly I rock:

It's been about an hour now because you wouldn't BELIEVE how long it takes to pour 2 cups of canola oil out in a thin thread. Both arms are cramping, my neck hurts and I'm starting to feel like the knife is turned backwards and is stabbing me in the stomach. But I'm so close, it's almost done - just 1/4 cup of oil to go and I will be the queen of the... what's that? What just happened? What the f*#$&( did the ^%@ just do??? Why is it suddenly all soupy now? IT BROKE? IT FREAKING BROKE? After over an hour and a half of mayonnaise making hell, it broke. It suddenly turned into this totally gross oily mess. I hate mayonnaise.

I was really pissed off, in case you couldn't tell. But licking this bowl and beater clean of the devil's food cake batter made me feel much better. This is why nobody was harmed in the making of the mayo.

Was it worth it? Well yeah it was worth it. What part of devil's food cake batter confused you people? Do you even know me at all?!?

Clearly this means I need a new food processor. A pretty stainless steel Cuisinart model, right? Right. And Santa Claus won't be here for a while, so I hit Kohl's on my lunch break the next day and spent WAY too much on a new mayonnaise-making-machine. Homemade mayonnaise, take two. Starting all over. This time it will work perfectly - there's even a tiny hole in the bottom of the plunger SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR STREAMING OIL IN TO MAKE MAYONNAISE... how could I fail?

Well, I'll tell you how - I don't freaking know how! I just did, okay - I did. I failed again. In the machine that was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR STREAMING OIL IN TO MAKE MAYONNAISE. Gross, huh?

Seriously, why would you make your own mayonnaise when you have a perfectly good jar of Hellman's in the fridge? As I was lifting my brand new, way too expensive mayonnaise-making-machine over my head to hurl it out the window over the sink a thought popped into my head... oh yeah! I saw someone say you can save broken mayonnaise on Top Chef once. I'm back in business. I googled it, and it worked - I DID IT!

I made homemade mayonnaise!

I added the lemon juice and salt and tasted... and it tasted just like Hellman's to be honest. I didn't see a real big difference.

Gee, that was worth it. So I used it for the coleslaw - didn't much like the coleslaw, so I was pretty irritated by the whole thing. But the same day I made the glazed and rubbed spare porkribs, coleslaw and smashed marble potatoes, Jeremy caught several catfish. So we had catfish the next night and I used the mayo to make homemade tartar sauce - and it was DELICIOUS. So... I guess that makes it a little better.

However - and here's your bonus - here at the six dozen mini cupcake truffles I made for Michelle's surprise 30th birthday party. Aren't they cute? This is where the devil's food cake batter that cheered me up went into...

And here's Miss Michelle at her surprise party!

Happy Birthday, Michelle!

glazed and rubbed pork spareribs, coleslaw and smashed marble potatoes

This is a picture of my Grandpa Guyott, probably taken in the early seventies shortly after I was born. It's one of the very very few pictures I have of him, and I love it. He was very Catholic, very St. Louis and very much a local tavern proprietor, and he loved a lot of things - God, beer, braunschweiger, family, baseball and ribs... and not always in that order. I was only eleven when he died - I wish I'd known him better, I wish I'd appreciated him more. I wish I could taste his barbecue again!

So when I saw the recipe in Ad Hoc for Rubbed and Glazed Pork Spareribs, I was excited to tackle it immediately. But you can't just have ribs by themselves, can you? So I also made Smashed Marble Potatoes and Coleslaw. But that's an awful lot of food for just two people - so we invited a couple of friends over to taste test with us. Suckers.

These ribs are made using a dry rub - there's no sauce in sight here. With a Southern heritage (and a serious love of the barbecue I can get in Memphis and Kentucky) I greatly prefer dry rub barbecue - but I live in a city that loves its meat swimming in sauce. I made all of my taste-testers promise to try the ribs before they covered them in sauce (I put a bottle of Pappy's Smokehouse Sweet Baby Jane on the table).

The ribs were simple and not all that time consuming. Like most rib recipes (or at least the ones I prefer), you mix together a dry rub, put it on the ribs, and let it sit in the fridge for a few hours. Then you cook them on a grill for two hours over indirect heat (after first letting them spend a few minutes on the hot side to get a nice crosshatch grill pattern on them). The rubs ingredients are more or less the usual suspects: brown sugar, salt, sweet pimenton (smoked sweet spice similar to paprika), cayenne, garlic powder, allspice and red pepper flakes. It's a simple recipe and an easy preparation - and it was freaking delicious. Wait, wait, wait - I'm not supposed to tell you that already. On to the rest of the meal.

Next up - Coleslaw. First I had to make my own mayonnaise from the recipe out of the book, no problem. I'd never made my own mayonnaise before, but how hard could it be? Chef Keller said they do it in a food processor and it's really easy. Of course, "easy" for a French trained, consecutive James Beard (the Oscars of the food world) Best Chef Award winning, Culinary Institute of America Chef of the Year Award winning, God of All Things Culinary Chef... probably means something a little different than it does to me. Clearly.

Luckily I decided to make the mayo a few days ahead of time. So I had time to muck it up. I got out my cheapo food processor, turned it on and put four egg yolks in. And there they sat - at the bottom of the food processor with the metal blades whirring away happily above them. Uh, this isn't going to work. But hey! I have a mini-food chopper that will do the same thing! The day is saved!

Alas, not so much. I got it out and put the yolks in and they were happily mixing away when I realized that you can't add a slow stream of oil to a food chopper - there's no way to add anything because it has to have the lid on for the mechanism to be engaged and whir away. That's okay, I grew up on a farm - I'm used to improvising!

So I took the locking lid mechanism off, jammed a knife into the mechanism to make it think the lid was locked on, pushed the button and voila - it was working. But wait - I need to pour in a slow stream of oil now... but I have one hand holding the power button and one hand holding the knife into the mechanism... no more hands left. Okay, I can be MacGuyer/MacGrubber - I can do this. So now I'm holding the knife against the mechanism by leaning against it with my stomach, holding the power button with my left hand and pouring an excruciatingly slow stream of oil into the yolks... and... it's working! Yes, yes, yes! The oil is emulsifying with the yolks, it's turning into a thick and creamy substance. I'm so proud of myself. I rock. I knew I could do this.

It's been about an hour now because you wouldn't BELIEVE how long it takes to pour 2 cups of canola oil out in a thin thread. Both arms are cramping, my neck hurts and I'm starting to feel like the knife is turned backwards and is stabbing me in the stomach. But I'm so close, it's almost done - just 1/4 cup of oil to go and I will be the queen of the... what's that? What just happened? What the f*#$&( did the ^%@ just do??? Why is it suddenly all soupy now? IT BROKE? IT FREAKING BROKE? After over an hour and a half of mayonnaise making hell, it broke. It suddenly turned into this totally gross oily mess. I hate mayonnaise.

Clearly this means I need a new food processor. A pretty stainless steel Cuisinart model, right? Right. And Santa Claus won't be here for a while, so I hit Kohl's on my lunch break the next day and spent WAY too much on a new mayonnaise-making-machine. Homemade mayonnaise, take two. Starting all over. This time it will work perfectly - there's even a tiny hole in the bottom of the plunger SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR STREAMING OIL IN TO MAKE MAYONNAISE... how could I fail. Well, I'll tell you how - I don't freaking know how! I just did, okay - I did. I failed again. In the machine that was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR STREAMING OIL IN TO MAKE MAYONNAISE. Seriously, why would you make your own mayonnaise when you have a perfectly good jar of Hellman's in the fridge? As I was lifting my brand new, way too expensive mayonnaise-making-machine over my head to hurl it out the window over the sink a thought popped into my head... oh yeah! I saw someone say you can save broken mayonnaise on Top Chef once. I'm back in business. I googled it, and it worked - I DID IT! I made homemade mayonnaise! I added the lemon juice and salt and tasted... and it tasted just like Hellman's to be honest. I didn't see a real big difference. Gee, that was worth it. There are a ton of pics of this mess, but I can't relive it. No pics for public.

Anyway, back to the coleslaw. After all that work I only needed a quarter of a cup of the homemade mayo... sigh. You make the dressing ahead of time and refrigerate it until just before serving, when you pour it over red cabbage, green cabbage and carrot. The dressing was simple - mayo, sour cream, champagne vinegar, celery seed, toasted sesame seeds, salt, lemon juice. Mix it up and stick it in the fridge and pour it over the cabbage mix just before serving (so that the purple cabbage doesn't tint the dressing).

And finally the Smashed Marble Potatoes. This one also required a little bit of prep ahead of time because it called for Garlic Confit, another recipe in the book. But this was five bajillion times easier than the mayonnaise-from-hell.

Put a cup of garlic cloves in a small sauce pan, drown in canola oil and cook at LOW temp for forty minutes. Easy Schmeasy.

For the potatoes themselves, I tossed them in salt and canola oil (I used the now garlic infused oil from the Garlic Confit) and a few sprigs of thyme - and put them in my large cast iron skilled with a few tablespoons of melted butter. Stuck it all in the oven for about half an hour until the potatoes were fork-tender. Remove from the oven, smash them with a fork and add more butter and the Garlic Confit. Add a few sprigs of thyme for garnish.

And then it was time to eat! It all looked very good. See?

The ribs were moist and the dry rub created a delicious glaze on them. We all loved the ribs, not one person even reached for the sauce and I can't wait to have them for lunch again today! I'm drooling just a little bit right now just thinking about them. Mmmm, ribsssss. I will make these again. And again and again and I'll impress my guests and they'll all love them. And I'll lie and say it's just a little something I came up with and threw together. Okay, no I won't. Sorry.

The coleslaw... well, I dunno. What up with the coleslaw, Chef Keller? I have a recipe I've used for years to make coleslaw and Jeremy and I love it. I'm asked for it on a regular basis whenever I make it for other people - it's a sweet creamy coleslaw recipe and I think it tastes even better than KFC's. But that's not the one I'm here to talk about. I've had the Ad Hoc Coleslaw Salad Dressing sold at Williams Sonoma - this ain't it. It wasn't as yummy. At all. The overwhelming taste was of toasted sesame seeds - which isn't a bad taste, it's just not what I want to taste when I eat coleslaw. It wasn't gross; it just wasn't what I wanted. We all felt the same way about it - not gross, but not great either.

But the Smashed Marble Potatoes? They were good and moist and garlicky. The Garlic Confit is a really subtle garlic flavor. It wasn't like the garlic mashed potatoes I'm sure we've all tasted. And it wasn't really like roasted garlic either. It was there and it was delicious, but it was subtle and light - and as much as I love garlic, and very heavily flavored with garlic foods - I really liked it this way. I'll be using the left over garlic confit as a spread on a toasted baguette. So good.

So there you have it - five more recipes checked off the list. And now... I'm off to Hawaii!

Grapefruit Cake

I'll start by saying that I love grapefruit. When I was a little girl and we'd go visit my grandparents all the grownups would have half a grapefruit with breakfast. It was such a grown up thing and I was so desperate to be like the grownups - so I'd pour on the sugar and dig right in. Eventually I enjoyed the grapefruit more and the sugar less. Now I enjoy grapefruit in an even more adult fashion - a gin and tonic with a splash of grapefruit is one of my go-to drinks! But I say this knowing that grapefruit isn't something that everyone enjoys. Honestly, though - even those that don't care for grapefruit really liked this cake. But Keller says you can substitute other citrus fruits in this recipe, so it could be lemon or orange, etc.

Grapefruit Cake sounds like a nice spring dessert - perfect for Mother's Day! Mother's Day also happened to be Mary Beth's birthday this year. So I invited Mary Beth over to taste test cocktails (I was picking out a drink to serve at a party the next weekend), and figured Grapefruit Cake would make a great birthday cake as well. (Plus, it was an easy one to start with!) I probably shouldn't have decided to make my first Ad Hoc recipe while also test tasting cocktails...

The thing that makes this cake a bit unique is that once you bake the cake, you poke small holes in it with a skewer, patiently brush on a grapefruit glaze - allowing it to soak into the cake slowly, and then top with grapefruit icing. Note the words "patiently" and "slowly". Then remember the word "cocktails" from the paragraph above.

I prepared my mis en place (I am now a fancy-pants food blogger, so I use phrases like "mis en place" and "prepare" - you can't touch this). And then I spent about twenty minutes cleaning up my kitchen because I realized when I started taking pictures that everything needed to look perfect. So I'm behind schedule already...

The cake recipe itself is your basic cake recipe. Sift together the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder and salt) into a large bowl. Then in your mixer's bowl, combine the wet ingredients (grapefruit zest, grapefruit juice, sugar, milk, eggs, oil and vanilla).

Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, slowly, and mix until the dry ingredients have been incorporated into the wet. So far, so good. Please do note the spotless countertops...

Pour the cake batter into a lightly oiled loaf pan and pop it into the oven. Here's where I learned that it's more difficult than you would think it is to pour cake batter into a loaf pan with one hand while taking a picture of pouring said cake batter into said loaf pan with the other hand. (Sidenote: some of the pics on this post aren't so hot... I promise I'll get better with practice. Or I'll talk Jeremy into being my food photographer.)

While the cake was in the oven, I made the grapefruit glaze - which was just fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and sugar warmed over medium heat in a saucepan until the sugar dissolves. More or less it's a grapefruit simple syrup. I made the grapefruit icing as well - which was just powdered sugar with a couple of tablespoons of grapefruit juice. Paste and syrup - easy schmeasy, right? Eh. Well at least making the glaze and icing was easy.

So while the cake was baking and I'd already finished the glaze and icing, it was time to work on my cocktails. I wanted to serve a cucumber cocktail, but I'd never made one so I had several recipes I wanted to test. I was in fancy-pants food blogger mode, so I put together my mis en place for cucumber cocktails! Hey, why not? This, by the way, is where we start to go downhill...

Mike, Mary Beth and Ryan arrived and I had just taken the cake out of the oven. Perfect timing! Now all I had to do with riddle the cake with holes, brush on the glaze, top it with icing and serve! Then we could dive right into the cocktail testing. Easy-schmeasy, right?

I was warned that I may have to give the glaze a moment to soak in a few times, so the glaze may take a while to get it all into the cake - but to just be patient. Well, yeah. There was a lot of glaze. A lot of glaze. And I poked and poked and poked holes. And I brushed and brushed and brushed glaze. And I waited. And I looked longingly at my cocktail mis en place. And then I brushed some more and I waited. Then I poked some more holes, and then some holes in angles. And I brushed and brushed. Then I poured the freaking glaze over the cake and brushed some more. Are you tired of reading about my brushing and poking? Yeah well, me too! I was tired to death of brushing and poking and waiting. It was taking forever.

So I went ahead and made cocktail number one, which was originally enough called "Cucumber Cocktail". And it was delicious. Mint, cucumber, limes, sugar, run and champagne - delicious. And I wanted to serve a lovely refreshing slice of Grapefruit Cake along with my delicious Cucumber Cocktail to the birthday girl - but it still wasn't ready. So back to the cake... I'm brushing and waiting and poking... Finally I figured it'd been enough already - there was a ton of glaze in the cake by now and it was already a nice moist cake and darnit I want more cocktails!

But I told myself I'd have to be patient... so I brushed some more and I poked some more. Blah, blah, blah - you know the drill. But I just couldn't do it - I just couldn't be patient enough. I wanted to sit and visit with MB and have a drink and enjoy a piece of cake. And besides, there must be some mistake because there's no way there's supposed to be THAT MUCH glaze in the cake - it'll get all soggy and gross. So it was really in best interest of the cake's own integrity that I nip this soggy-glaze-disaster in the bud.

So yes, I admit it. I cheated on my very first Ad Hoc at Home recipe. I didn't let all of the glaze soak into the cake. I got impatient. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry - I'm just so so sorry everyone. Whatever. I put the icing on the cake and sliced right in. And immediately I regretted my impatience. I could see where the glaze had soaked in and where it hadn't (if you click on the pics they'll enlarge and you can see where the glaze had soaked in). It wasn't at all soggy - the cake stood up to the glaze and had I been patient enough to get all the glaze into the cake it would have been so beautifully dense and soaked through with the glaze. 

But I sliced and took pics and served the cake. And it was good. It was really good. Mike and MB both said they liked it - but kids are honest. So what did Ryan think?  She cautiously took her first taste...

I waited patiently (yes, patiently) while she mulled it over and absorbed the flavor. She enjoyed the bouquet of the glaze... she had me hanging on tenderhooks while I awaited her verdict.

"It's surprising fresh and delicious, with just a hint of tart. But not too much, if you know what I mean. It really appeals to my palate in a way that's unpretentious and joyful. Perfect spring dessert and as fresh and beautiful as my mother. Yay! I love it, Aunt Heather! Good job!" She can't talk yet - I read all of that in her expression. If you click on the picture you'll see it there too.

In all honestly though, it was light and refreshing, just a tiny bit tart. As a matter of fact, I took it in to work and several people that don't like grapefruit at all really enjoyed the cake. But it didn't have the bite I expected from a cake with so much grapefruit juice and zest - and to be honest that disappointed me a bit. I do think I'll make this again - on a lazy Sunday when I have no plans all freaking day and I'll take the time to let the glaze soak in next time.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the most beautiful redhead I know. Isn't she gorgeous? I love that kid. Ryan has her own blog - go check it out: The Tardy Princess. 

So there you go - my first Ad Hoc recipe. I wanted to take this seriously and make them to Chef Keller's standards and I'm not off to such a great start. Next time no cocktails. I promise.

On a related note, in order to avoid gaining a ton of weight while cooking my way through the blog, I've decided to start the Couch to 5K challenge. Bought my running shoes and jog bras today and tomorrow I start. Wish me luck! Cheers!